Jul 062015
 

CrazyAwesome

Soo, I went to Fitbloggin’ two weeks ago, I missed last year (cue anxiety) and I thought I might have been forgotten, I thought I wouldn’t know what to say or how to act, I worried about the people who’s faces I recognized, but names I didn’t remember or even worse people who remembered me and I had NO idea who they were…ack ack ack.

Well, it was just the opposite…everyone knows it can be hard to remember everyone else, everyone knows that we double-check on names, everyone knows that its hard to come out of your shell on the first day and it takes a few hugs and hellos to really get back into the flow….aaaah.

But even BETTER, was a panel I participated in where we discussed the inner struggles that we have in common, that are hard to talk about with people who don’t understand, and we built our own little support system, called Mental Health Monday. Its a blog link up where we can be here to provide support, have our posts read, and keep the support going. I’m so excited about this!

Okay my little write up kind of goes all over the place, its a stream of thought type of post, sorry for the rambling 🙂

It is funny to me…Fitbloggin’ was both the best feeling on Earth because I was surrounded by my people, a tribe that understands me and that knows my struggles and I know theirs. Not just about mental health..but the challenges of living a healthy lifestyle, keeping up with what’s best for our bodies, fighting against fads, people who don’t support us and just general apathy when things aren’t going our way and we feel we aren’t moving forward. But on the other hand, it is so HARD to be around all these people you want to see, talk to, hug and cry with all weekend long..how do you decide who to talk to, which after-hours event to do, what activity is best, which panel to attend…and you get all wrapped up in it and you end up doing nothing and seeing no-one.  Or do you? Does it just feel like that, or did that really happen?

I feel like I saw everyone and did everything but like I also missed out on everything and saw no one…at the same time.

I feel so loved and welcomed but also like I’m not a part of it and not really that important…. at the same time.

I had a point when I was on top of the world, loving the fact that so many people “joined” my beer crawl and I was so excited to walk around Denver with everyone…but then there was just one. One person joined me, the rest fell away and probably joined a more popular group of people, I found some of them at my last bar crawl stop. Do I take it personally? Do I just blow it off cause people got lazy and didn’t want to go….if it was someone else running the beer crawl would they have been able to draw more people? I had a great time with my lovely friend that joined me, don’t get me wrong…but its just that feeling..in the back of my head….back to the bottom of the world feeling.

I often feel included but not part of the group at the same time…it happened a lot at Fitbloggin’ and when it finally really got to me….on our last night there….and another good friend asked me if I was okay…I actually reached out and told her what was on my mind and how I was feeling…there were tears, encouragement…a big hug…and I felt better…pretty much instantly…another lesson of how reaching out really does help. I love you my friend, you know who you are.

I love you my Fitbloggin’ tribe, you know who YOU are..and if you don’t…but you are reading this…you are part of it

<3 Merbear