Dieting…..I knew it!

 lifestyle, weight, workouts  Comments Off on Dieting…..I knew it!
May 072016
 

This article really struck a chord with me and my life proves it.

Why You Can’t Lose Weight On a Diet

22 yrs old, a bit “curvy” joined WW – down to 135, crabby all the time but super hot bod, boyfriend stopped calling me “beluga butt”

25 yrs old, engaged, happy – 190

30 yrs old, single again, WW – 165

32 yrs old, dating, happy – 180-200

34 yrs old, married, Slimgenics, skinny, bitchy – 175 lowest weight reached, couldn’t handle it anymore

35 yrs old, 220 lbs, joined Emily Program for Compulsive Eating Disorder, fixed my relationship with food, stopped dieting, left program 37 yrs old, less anxiety, happy – 250 lbs

38 yrs old (now) – content, happy, married, really curvy, size 18-20, strong, fit, only issue: obesity – 250 lbs – I’m scared of my actual weight, but nothing else, love my body, eat mostly what I want 90% good nutrition, keep my body moving the best I can with 3-5 days a week of workouts, yoga, walks and/ or weights

Just thought I’d share, I hope there is more evidence, proof and what to do next,

 

<3 Merbear

 

Oct 092013
 

Two weeks ago I couldn’t fall asleep, I was distraught, uncomfortable and crying. I knew that the Emily Program and overcoming an eating disorder would be a long process.  A process that had to start with abolishing all food rules and learning to listen to my body. Then, I slowly learned to listen to my body and I learned the guidelines for fueling my body with what I need…and without judgement.

I spent about 2 months eating what my body craved and wanted, learning to be comfortable with not worrying about food.  That worry slowly subsided and my brain felt so much clearer, I felt so much better with everything day to day. My general anxiety lightened up….but my body didn’t…I went up about 2-3 sizes.  I had to go back to shopping at Lane Bryant, I had to put away all the cute clothes that I got in 2012 when I lost all that weight…

Now, I don’t hate myself for  that, I love myself for getting over an eating disorder and for doing what my brain needs. I could have continued on with diets…and lost weight, not gained weight…but I would have just yo-yo’ed again, its inevitable with my eating disorder history. But, even though I’m happy about the progress in my head, I was incredibly sad about what it did to my body….I was ready to just quit the Emily Program and go back to Weight Watchers…or something…..I wanted the blob attached to me to go away!!

My husband recommended that I tell exactly that to my dietitian, that I was done with putting on and maintaining weight, I needed to start working towards a weight loss goal immediately or I’d have to leave therapy.  At first I was so nervous, I didn’t want to lose my therapy or my dietitian, I had come so far.  I did it though, I kinda teared up as I told her what I needed, fearing she’d tell me that we weren’t done with learning to live without rules and learning about food exchanges and portion sizes..that it would be awhile longer. That I’d have to make the decision to leave when I wasn’t done….

But…she told me I was definitely ready to utilize my success in clearing my head of food rules and food anxiety and move forward with sculpting all the food exchange guidelines into portions/servings that had a weight loss goal.  YIPPEE!!!

Besides the fact that I have to keep a bit of a closer eye on my portions and I have specific servings a day of the different food exchange groups, this isn’t hard to do.  I have been learning and building my way up to this.  If I make a mistake…have too little or too much…its just a mistake, and because of dropping my emotional attachments to food..and my anxiety about food…I don’t obsess, I don’t blow the day or the week…I just move on.  Not that I’ve messed up really. Its only been 2 weeks and the food plan is just real food….all real food…any type of food..and lots of flexibility and exchanges….yes, I”ve been hungry a couple nights…but I realized that some of the food combinations I chose may not have been the best to satisfy me, so I adjusted…and it was okay.

The best part…I’m not craving some big snack attack, some big binge, a whole pizza or a mountain of ice cream….because I know…all those things are there…and will always be there…and I can have them whenever I want.  When I do have them, I don’t have to eat a ton, because again..I can always come back later, the next day or the next week and have it again.

Nothing is forbidden, nothing is wrong, nothing is bad…food is fuel and I use it to make my body healthy.

Some day in the future…like a special occasion…the goal of “weight loss” may not be my #1 priority..instead it might be to relax on vacation, enjoy new foods, have a drink…etc….well that’s okay…I have to go by what my priority is. But right now, my priority is the goal of weight loss..so I’m focusing on the Emily Program guidelines to obtain that.

If you are interested here they are:

6 – 8 servings of protein a day (1 oz of cooked meat is a typical protein, this also includes nuts and vegetarian proteins in other amounts)

2 servings of milk a day (a serving is 1 cup of milk, 1 oz of cheese etc)

5 servings of grain a day (a serving is 1/2 cup of cereal or rice, 3/4 cup of yogurt, a few ozs of crackers etc)

2 servings or more of veggies a day at a minimum, more is always welcome (1 cup of raw vegetables is a serving)

3 servings of fruit a day (handfruit, fruit in yogurt, applesauce, etc)

3 servings of fat a day (1 tsp of butter, 1 TBS heavy cream, 3 TBS hummus, etc)

1/2 Dessert a day (think of this as half of a premium dessert or a WHOLE lighter dessert like a Skinny Cow cone or 1 cup of light ice cream)

 

This is extremely manageable and gives me more than enough food, plus there are a lot of foods that fall in more than one category and so they can be exchanged around….like 1 oz of cheese can be a protein OR a milk..whee!

 

Alright this post has gotten long and I wanted to let you all know how I’m doing.  I’m open to answering any questions and also hearing what you guys think about what I’m doing and how I ‘m doing!

Soon, I will learn if I can actually look at the scale again, I haven’t since March!! MARCH!! It feels kinda good, but now I want to see how my weight loss goal efforts are panning out, too!

<3 

Merbear

Aug 282013
 

My friend Robby, Fat Girl vs. World asked on Facebook this morning:

“What makes people choose elimination diets (i.e., “no carbs” or “no solid food” or “nothing that rhymes with orange”) over moderation/food logging?”  – click the link if you want to see what everyone from all over the blog world is saying on her FB thread, we have lots of smart friends 🙂

– She noted that this does not apply to people with a food allergy or something like gluten intolerance or celiacs, because obviously those people must eliminate for medical reasons.

Here’s the answer I started typing, I realized it was very long, so I decided to post about it instead:

Elimination and food rules triggers my compulsive eating because I have anxiety and I’m a perfectionist (as diagnosed by my ED therapist and dietitian).

For most compulsive eaters its actually the SAME THING, they just haven’t been diagnosed for an ED or talked to anyone professional about emotions/foods.  If you remove the emotion from a food (which can be done with ED therapy NOT by WW or any elimination diet (paid for or free), you can eat in moderation…

You can have what you want…because you know it’ll always be there, so there’s no trigger to eat more and more. (this is NOT for people who have allergies/diseases etc that require them to eliminate things obviously, I mean people without sensitivities).

For 99.9% of people that are overweight, its all emotion..its all recovery from something

….for people that just got lazy or that had active young lives and now aren’t as active..those people can do WW or calorie counting or whatnot..but that’s not most of us, most of us eat to feel good, to hide something, to repair something.

Just like anxiety, depression, etc….overeating/compulsive eating…even if its not anorexia or bulimia…requires some learning about self-acceptance..it truly helps.

I’m in the middle of  therapy for compulsive eating and I can have all my old “trigger” foods right in front of me, because I have learned how to heal myself in other ways…a lot of me has healed already…I know that my favorite foods – Oreos, spaghetti, pizza, ice cream..well, they will be there tomorrow, too..and oh boy, leftovers of my favorite food (if I happen to get a large portion at a restaurant or make too much at home)…

I automatically moderate now because food doesn’t fix and I know food doesn’t go away..I hope what I’m typing here is helping someone.

I personally go to the Emily Program which I know has locations in Minnesota and Washington State. I also know that Park Nicollet (in MN) has Melrose.

But honestly, reach out to your regular doctor, tell them you want to be connected with someone who can help…compulsive eating is now an eating disorder and can be covered by your insurance.

 

Jan 232013
 

As you all know I’m a WW member now and wow, the program has gotten so full of helpful habits, tips & routines.

This month the routine is adding a fruit or vegetable to every meal.  I had to remind myself at first, but now I do it automatically. It might seem like a chore at first…but adding a banana, strawberries or a melon to breakfast; cherry tomatoes, an apple or oranges with lunch; or,some salad and cooked veggies with dinner has really made me feel fuller and more satisfied with my meals and snacks. I am actually now starting to crave certain veggies..like roasted brussels sprouts!

One habit I am SUPER proud of though is planning out my meals and points before I eat them.  This is a slow habit to build because I’m not a very good meal planner. But, knowing what I’m going to have for dinner…really helps me to stay on track all day. I’m looking forward to my yummy planned ahead dinner and I know what snacks/meals I can have during my work day and not feel guilty or worried about “fitting in” dinner.

Last night I made Steelhead trout. This fish tastes and looks exactly like salmon except it is more tender and has less fat/calories/points and the same amount of protein 🙂  By the way it was really easy, I just cooked it in a packet of foil in the oven at 375 for 15 minutes. It was PERFECT. (Oh, I put lemon juice, a couple sprays of olive oil, salt, pepper, onion powder and dill) It was a household favorite!

As part of my counting up points before I eat them, I had a Vietnamese take-out victory today. We went to a local, only open for lunch during the week, Vietnamese restaurant to pick up lunch for work today.  I ordered the chicken & vegetable stir fry with fried rice.   I already had my breakfast points in my tracker, I also have my homemade baked chicken fingers for dinner in there too, and then I put in the chicken & vegetable stir fry (2 cups).  After that…I saw how many points I had left for the day. Determined I wanted a snack with points this afternoon combined with my apple, so I took that out. Then, I saw how many points I had left and I MEASURED out 1/2 a cup of fried rice (I keep measuring cups at work!) and threw the rest away!!

Measured my fried rice!

Measured my fried rice!

Threw the rest away!

Threw the rest away!

 

Tracker

 

How about that?  Rockin’ the healthy habits!!!

<3 Merbear

 

P.S.

I’m all set for Fitbloggin’ 13 in Portland! I hope to see you there!

Sep 162012
 

 

Do you ever have one of those days where you don’t want to start eating? Not because you’re afraid of food, or you’re wanting to starve yourself, but you just don’t want to do the work of planning the meal, making the meal, and recording the meal. It just,  once in awhile…feels like too much?

This happens to me…and its not because I want to be *bad*…its not because I want to eat foods that are off my healthy eating plan or something….I just, ugh, I’m feeling lazy…that’s all, plain and simple.

You folks know I’m finishing up Slimgenics now, but I’ve done Weight Watchers, My Fitness Pal, Sparkpeople, Ediets…all those things…and none of the eating plans really have a….”do whatever” type of plan.  Its obvious why, if I’m not conscious of what I’m eating…then the eating *can* go bad, so why would any plan want that to happen.

I always end up eating on these days, because like I said I’m not for starving myself or anything.  But, I usually do it when I am quite hungry and I’m annoyed at being hungry because it doesn’t feel good. Then I begrudgingly write down what I ate, which is usually an apple, or peach or something that is easy for me….and I move on..throughout the day, being annoyed at recording my food.  Again, not because I’d rather be eating bad for me food, just kinda, meh, about forever having to think about what I eat.

Usually by the next day I’m over the feeling and it goes away for at least a week if not more. Most of the time if it happens its on a weekend…when I want to turn my brain off.

Will I ever be able to turn my brain off about this stuff? I mean I remember to breathe, to blink, to look both ways before crossing the street..how much longer til I can just eat right? Ever?

I don’t really have a solution besides the fact that to survive, I eat…so don’t worry about me not doing that..

Thoughts?

<3 Merbear

May 272012
 

I’m getting married!!!!!!

I have 15 lbs or so left to lose on Slimgenics, I’m running in a marathon relay on June 3rd and I’m getting married!

I’m not going to post all about getting married or making this a wedding blog or anything like that here…but, its a big life change and obviously affects me so here and there you guys will definitely hear about how my wedding plans tie in with my weight loss, future weight maintenance, running, food, etc etc!

So first…here’s some engagement pics from Ryan proposing to me last night (May 25th):

 

My love

Happy Girl!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Engagement Ring

 

Wedding Band

 

Other than this amazing development in my life..

….I’m going to run 5 miles on Memorial Day with Kelly she brought my Minneapolis Marathon Relay team together! She is such an amazing friend and an inspiration in determination to achieve goals. She’s been training since 2011 for the Grandma’s Marathon this summer. I am so proud of her, Follow the link and check out her blog!

My other relay team friends are Amanda and Corryn!

Aaah, the weekend and a yummy dinner recipe

 Food, lifestyle, shopping in my closet, slimgenics, weekend, weight  Comments Off on Aaah, the weekend and a yummy dinner recipe
Feb 172012
 

Phew….glad that week is over..long weekend coming up, will include some running, weight lifting, sleeping in, dinner with my parents, cleaning and some..and I love the sound of this..doing NOTHING

I swear Slimgenics makes the weeks go by even faster….with meal planning and cooking in between everything else life has to offer. But as the weeks go by the weight goes down, too. I know I’m going to lose every week as I follow the plan, but I must let the time pass and I must follow the plan daily for it to work. No way to speed it up or anything…so go time go!

This week I was able to wear 3 items out of my “small clothes” bin to work…it made me feel so good! I lost another 1 lb this week but I think that’s because of girly stuffs and my body is just shifting around, which has gotta happen when you are losing weight quickly.  17 lbs down baby!

I wanted to show you guys a new dinner I cooked up tonight.  It was so savory and tasty, but fast, too. All of 15 minutes from start to finish!

Curry Green Beans and Broiled Tilapia

Meal for two

Curry Green Beans:

  • 1 steam bag (about 4 cups) of cooked green beans, drained
  • 4 TBS of minced onion flakes (soaked in a bit of water)
  • 3/4 TBS of curry powder
  • dash of salt
  1. Spray a pan with cooking spray and saute the soaked onion flakes for a few minutes on their own
  2. Add the curry powder and saute together for about 3 minutes.
  3. Finally add the cooked green beans and a bit of salt. You might add a maximum of 2 TBS of water so it won’t burn, but you probably won’t need it.  Saute all together another 5 minutes.

Broiled Tilapia

  • 12 ozs (two 6ish oz filets) of tilapia (or any other white fish like orange roughy)
  • dash of paprika
  • dash of dill
  • dash of salt
  1. Spray a broiling pan with cooking spray.
  2. Place the filets on the pan and sprinkle with spices…I like more dill than paprika personally.
  3. Broil for about 6 minutes…check halfway and maybe turn the pan around.
  4. Fish should be flaky, but not dry or fried, white through out and no clear spots

I hope everyone has a great weekend! Let me know if you try the recipes and if you like them! For Slimgenics this dinner was 2 vegetable servings and 1 protein serving per peson

Jan 242012
 

Every time Jen of Priorfatgirl has a gathering, whether its a semi-annual conference with arranged speakers, a set schedule and goodies to take home. Or, just a coffee meeting for anyone who wants to come and feel motivated, supported and not-alone in the struggle to be lead a healthy life and make good, healthy decisions.

On Saturday, January 21st, Jen invited those of us who wanted to build community, to make new friends, to learn, to share and get motivated, to join her at The Beat Coffeehouse. We were lucky to hear Mary Sailors, personal trainer from FitThisGirl, Philly D from Moksha Yoga Studio and Elle, another Priorfatgirl (yay Elle!) share their stories, mantras, and motivation to get us on track!

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Mary talked about Making Lasting Changes and one item that really struck a chord with me was setting goals for YOURSELF. If you make changes for others, ones that didn’t start with your own motivation and your own reasons…then the changes won’t last.  Every goal must start with you and must be a lasting goal, not a goal with an end date…because we may achieve goals for other people or goals with end dates (like a wedding or a class reunion), but then if that other person is ever not around or you pass that end date….the goal fades, motivation fades…and all your hard work could easily deteriorate.  This definitely rings true for me….in my past out of anger, I lost weight to prove to someone I wasn’t fat..but guess what, as soon as that toxic person was out of my life…the weight came back. I didn’t have the anger or the other person, albeit for a mean reason, motivating me…so the goal ended and I was back to the way I was before.   What goals are working for ME now?  Lifelong health and longevity…I want to be healthy and yes, on a vain tone…beautiful..for a long time…for ME…so I know I can do this.  I want a better quality of life for ME.   Mary talked about how Goals lead to action items and action items lead to strategies. The strategies are like a check list…so the goal doesn’t seem as daunting.   Taking small steps every day can do amazing things! Every day I drink 100 ozs of water and log my food, that will lead to the action item of losing 60 lbs, which will lead to my GOAL of a long, healthy life!  Thanks Mary!!!!

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Philly D really moved us in sharing his experience and expertise around the theme of meeting the moments in your life. He calls it RISE UP. Everything that grows has roots, if you don’t have the right roots, you can’t grow.  Root yourself and RISE UP!

“To Rise Up You Have to Wake Up And Be Present”

Awareness of the moment, of where you are now, leads to better choices and thus a better life.

“I Will Tune In To What I Feel”

Be Vs. Do….we can do what we want to do or we can “be” who we want to be!  Don’t just do things that a good person or a healthy person would do…BE a healthy person…get in touch with what you want to BE.  One way to work on “being” is with controlling and learning how to use our breath. Yoga and mediation can help us do this. Breath is our life, choosing to change our life can be started by choosing to control our breath.. To choose to breathe deliberately is a choice to live deliberately.

“When Rising Up Don’t Forget To Reach Down”

“Be What you Love and Use What You Love”

Who we surround ourselves with…the people we follow and the people we bring along with us….are all assets to our journey. Make sure and surround yourself with people who you exemplify the qualities you are looking for or whom you feel that you can meld with and share your qualities.

“Life has length, and Width”

…days since we were born, months until your birthday, years until you are gone.  But also, how do use use those days, months and years. How much “width” does your life have…how much sharing, how much understanding how much “being there”

Identify who you are, what you want..establish those roots with deliberate breathing, focus and love….you will be who you want to be.

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The final speaker was a girl I consider a friend, but also someone I look up to, Elle. Unlike with Mary and Phil…I didn’t really take notes, I just wanted to take in her story, her thoughts and her feelings and just, reflect.  Elle is a wonderful story teller, you can see this in her posts that just suck you in and create images and feelings all in a big swirl, at least to me. But, I digress….on Saturday Elle talked to us about her journey…how she just didn’t think about being overweight, to her experience with hiding from facing the facts, her first few attempts at losing and then gaining back weight, to her family actually *intervening”…then finally, her finding her own way, with a bit of professional direction for a bit, and also just finding her own peace and balance.  I’m not going to recount her story because it is told so well in her blogging.  He story did motivate me though, I learned, through others in the room nodding their heads and recounting their own experiences, along with Elle’s own story, that I’m not alone…everyone has trials, doubts, and setbacks…low points..rock bottom points…..but with determination, accepting help from our friends and family..and a focus on the other side….the other side that people like Elle, Mary, Phil and Jen can tell us about….that its all worth it.

I am feeling motivated, encouraged, supported and loved…….thank you to Jen, Mary, Phil, Elle….for reaching down while you rise up.

<3 Merbear