Feb 252013
 

hmm

Food planning, food prepping, eating food, shopping for food, reading menus, reading nutrition labels…thinking about food when I’m not hungry, thinking about food when I am hungry.  Worried about what I eat before I eat it. Tracking every bite that goes into my mouth. Researching nutrition of every bite that goes in my mouth in order to track it.

I’m so sick of food! I want it out of my brain!  I hate having to constantly think about it!

I did a tracking challenge for the last 8 weeks and I succeeded. It was called “Progress not Perfection” and it was put on by Dani Holmes-Kirk..she is a friend of mine, a Weight Watchers leader and a blogger on “Weight Off My Shoulders”

The challenge was to track at least 5 out of 7 days a week for 8 weeks. Well, I tracked 7/7 most of those weeks. One week I was 5/7 and another I was 6/7, but I succeeded. It was January and February. Guess what? I didn’t lose weight. Nope, I never lied on my tracker…but I was constantly over points.

In the last two weeks I’ve made a push to get more activity in daily, its the focus of the month for Weight Watchers and I saw I need a minimum of 12 points of activity a week, which I wasn’t getting. So I walk more/run more I made a plan to do that in order to pump it up.  But guess what? I’m eating all those points…and still going over. BUT, at least its WAY less over than it was before.

I reset my “start” weight at WW last week hoping it would help motivate me only see the scale go down, but I fear I’ve failed again and the scale is going to go up on Wednesday. I’m exercising my butt off today and Tuesday in hopes to at least come out at a maintain…ugh, I hate food!

I’m hungry right now and I’m afraid to eat something because I’m afraid that its going to be the wrong thing to satiate my hunger and then I just wasted points on something that didn’t work on making me feel full. I will eat don’t worry, obviously I eat. But ugh, every day this is a challenge.

Then, if I go enough days without filling myself with what I”m craving, I finally bust out and eat a cheeseburger on the weekend or something. Which technically its fine, but I tried so hard to fill a craving all week that I really don’t have enough points for it.

Thanks for listening to me complain, I would LOVE if you guys have any ideas for staying within my points (if its calorie limits or food choice goals for you guys, that’s cool, too)!!

<3 Merbear

Oct 122012
 

Tonight I tweeted out that I felt another whiny blog post coming on and my awesome friends reached out to me.

So instead I want to talk about how important feeling and getting out your feelings can be.

If I hadn’t have shared how I was feeling, Dawn wouldn’t have asked me what was up. Reaching out and telling her & the Twitterverse that I felt like a failure for gaining the weight back that I lost last week and that I was fearing more failure this weekend, empowered me to be open to solving the problem.

Dawn, Liz and other friends tweeted and messaged me that tomorrow is a new day, to focus on what I’d important, get a new start, make new decisions. They are so right. I needed to hear that my guilt about gaining and wanting to sabotage another day are in my head and not that messed up or unsolvable.

Saturday, here in the twin cities, is the Zombie Pub Crawl. I was worried that crawling from bar to bar with my friends would just be way too tempting, after the disappointing week weight wise I’ve had, to not just give in and eat and drink whatever I choose. But, its not true, my supportive friends helped me see that there’s the fun of dressing like a zombie, spending the evening being silly with my friends, hearing bands, dancing, rides and karaoke to look forward to.

I’m in control, I know this now. I’m not saying I won’t have a beer or two, or some special zombie treat. I just don’t have a reason to be worried about it anymore. The night is mine!

Thank you friends, you know who you are, vocal or not this particular evening you are all in my head, cheering for my success.

Oh and P.S. For the first time ever I bought a regular sized, kinda naughty, Halloween costume! Yess!

Merbear