Dieting…..I knew it!

 lifestyle, weight, workouts  Comments Off on Dieting…..I knew it!
May 072016
 

This article really struck a chord with me and my life proves it.

Why You Can’t Lose Weight On a Diet

22 yrs old, a bit “curvy” joined WW – down to 135, crabby all the time but super hot bod, boyfriend stopped calling me “beluga butt”

25 yrs old, engaged, happy – 190

30 yrs old, single again, WW – 165

32 yrs old, dating, happy – 180-200

34 yrs old, married, Slimgenics, skinny, bitchy – 175 lowest weight reached, couldn’t handle it anymore

35 yrs old, 220 lbs, joined Emily Program for Compulsive Eating Disorder, fixed my relationship with food, stopped dieting, left program 37 yrs old, less anxiety, happy – 250 lbs

38 yrs old (now) – content, happy, married, really curvy, size 18-20, strong, fit, only issue: obesity – 250 lbs – I’m scared of my actual weight, but nothing else, love my body, eat mostly what I want 90% good nutrition, keep my body moving the best I can with 3-5 days a week of workouts, yoga, walks and/ or weights

Just thought I’d share, I hope there is more evidence, proof and what to do next,

 

<3 Merbear

 

Jan 042015
 

First, I want to say THANK YOU to the outpouring of support, encouragement and thought provoking ideas shared with me on my last post in comments, Facebook chats and in person hugs. You guys are the greatest.

Now for the topic at hand. This morning I was sitting on the couch, browsing Facebook, etc for an hour or two after I got out of bed. I was ignoring the growing growl in my tummy. I do this quite often…..

I get immobilized…stuck…I know what I should eat and I know what I want to eat and I just can’t move and commit. It isn’t laziness, I am truly immobilized, like I’m paralyzed…looking towards the kitchen…..just…ugh…stuck.

This is often why I don’t eat until I’m starving, which leads to either poor choices or making good choices but overeating, or BOTH.

I happened to be texting with a good friend this morning and was sharing these thoughts with her.

 

Friend: I get it. What do you have that you should eat?

Me: Eggs, Orange, Milk.

Me: I want Cinnamon Toast Crunch 🙁 I can’t have it though, because I have 5 grains for the day and we’re having chicken fried rice for dinner..which normally takes up 3…so thats 2 left for the day and I’m going out for lunch.

Me: My hungry inner child is asking for cereal, popcorn, sandwiches and potatoes!

Friend: Have apples with cinnamon sprinkled on them, crunchy cinnamon taste.

Me: Hmm, that sounds good, I’ll get up and do that plus eggs.

Friend: I get stuck on food a lot, too!

Friend: How are the apples?

Me: Yummmmmmmmm 🙂

I guess one of the ways to have this not happen is to have a bunch of foods around that are all good choices that I like…right? Why is that so hard? Does anyone else relate to this?

<3 Merbear

*When* I eat dessert is important; Tasty Food vs. Emotional Eating

 Compulsive Eating, Eating Disorder, Emily Program, emotional eating, feelings, Food, lifestyle  Comments Off on *When* I eat dessert is important; Tasty Food vs. Emotional Eating
May 022014
 

I was surprised yesterday when my dietitian at the Emily Program asked me if I was eating dessert right after dinner…like basically with dinner, or if it was a separate snack/meal later in the evening.

She told me that dessert is definitely a-okay and I should enjoy it, but I need to think WHEN I’m enjoying it and WHY.

She challenged me to either eat my dessert with dinner, or earlier in the day…but not at a time separate from dinner in the evening. I was bummed, why does it matter? Dessert fits in my food plan, I’m not overeating, I like having dessert as a decompress in the evening……

BINGO!

That was it, I was tying dessert in with decompressing, getting comfortable, relaxing in the evening…aka EMOTIONAL RESPONSE.

Her and I then talked about that an emotional reason for eating any food is something I definitely want to redirect.  This probably is one of my last major emotional tie-ins with food. It didn’t seem that unreasonable to leave it be. I pretty much only eat when I’m hungry now, I eat much slower, I pay attention, stop when I’m satisfied (not full, satisfied)….but one little thing, one little trigger area, one emotional tie-in…if I leave it there, just like any demon, it could come to haunt me in bigger ways later.

So, we talked about different things non-food related that I could do do relax…..games on my phone, knitting, tv, reading, meditating.

She also said, if I’m hungry, definitely eat something, just not a dessert…then its eating b/c I’m hungry, not an emotional tie in.

Well, guess what….while I do sometimes like dessert during the day instead of the evening (like an ice cream cone or fro yo)….its rare these days.  Last night I asked myself if I wanted to eat dessert when I was done eating dinner…nope, didn’t want it.

Later in the evening, so I wouldn’t start thinking about dessert I picked up my phone and played some games, then watched TV, then got in bed and perused FB.  Yup…all evening..no dessert, no snacks….not hungry.

I think there are special occasions where dessert will get tied into a later in the evening type of thing….like birthday dinners or eating out with friends (though its not much later, you’re still at the restaurant!)….but I’ve definitely learned a lesson here.

What do you think? Why do you eat a snack at night after dinner/before bed? What are you eating? Are you hungry or do you just need a different way to decompress?

<3 Merbear

Mar 172014
 
not-alone
I had this conversation with a good friend via instant message over the weekend. I was inspired to blog about it, I was so moved by her reaching out to me and trusting my answers. I want everyone with disordered eating to get help, I want everyone to be in a good place like I finally am.  I want my friends to be happy.

I want to show you all this REAL conversation between REAL people instead of just typing out what you should do if you feel that you might need help….this is real people…and there is help, please remember I am NOT licensed nor an expert, but I have lots of real life experience!

My friend is in pink, I’m in blue 🙂

Do you ever feel the urge to track again even though you know it’s bad for you?

you mean with WW or calories? YES
I DO write down what I’m eating and make sure that I’m eating all the food groups, sometimes I even write down the measurements, but no calories or points

Gotcha. I’m struggling with not tracking my calories, fat, etc right now. I feel scared about weight gain and I want to track again because that feels “safe” even though it makes me insane.

Exactly, my perfectionism triggers my anxiety which triggers my eating disorder..sooo…especially with food, I have learned (and its tough) to not do it
BUT, from my dietitian I have learned ways to listen to my hunger and fullness signals
and understand what my body really does need -> grains, protein, fruit, veggies, fat, dairy and even desserts
When I first started I was tracking what I was eating AND the feelings associated with every meal and snack….even if it was just “normal” or “nothing” I wrote down every feeling
 
Have you thought about working with a dietitian? Often that can be about the same as paying for WW or another weight loss program, but its soo much better! They can be covered by health insurance so you are only paying copays (like me)
if you are diagnosed with an eating disorder (if tracking is a bingeing or compulsive eating trigger, you have an eating disorder)

I have never been diagnosed but believe I should be. I do think I need to work with someone but am trying to figure out how to afford it…

yeah its tough to figure that out My insurance covers me except $25 copay, which I pay weekly, but its worth it, its one of the things I’m doing even though I’m unemployed still

I think I need a real diagnosis before insurance will cover it. How did you go about that process?

Also, thank you so much for talking to me about this and feel free not to answer if I’m asking things I shouldn’t be.

its worth talking about, that’s why I blog about it
So here in MN we have two choices mainly, Melrose and The Emily Program
I already knew about them….they advertise all over
I called in directly and made an intake appointment
they had me talk to an intake therapist, take a few written quizzes and then checked with my insurance for me
if I didn’t know about them, I would have asked my regular doctor for a referral

I’ll see what happens with that and look around for something near me.

my insurance doesn’t require referrals to special programs,might want to check with yours if a referral from your primary is needed?

I’ll do that today. I definitely need more than just myself.

make sure you work with a licensed dietitian (not a nutritionist) and a therapist (if necessary)

Thank you so much.

you are welcome, thank you for trusting me to ask

Of course! I know you’re going through a lot of things that seem similar to me, and that you think about the world a lot like I do too.

The only thing that kinda sucks, and I blogged about it, is that I had to break out of my compulsive eating/perfectionist cycle by breaking all food rules and learning to live without food rules, so at the same time I was in Physical Therapy and couldn’t run or intensely work out,…that mixed with no food rules…I put on 70 lbs , I’m not saying the same will happen to YOU….cuz you are active…but now that I have no eating disorder symptoms and I can workout regularly, its coming back off…but SLOWLY because I don’t diet, I eat intuitively
Hmm, I might blog about this…..do you mind if I don’t use names?

I have been working on not tracking and I have definitely gained some. I seem to be in a holding pattern with gaining now but I’m TERRIFIED to gain more.

And yes, you can blog any of it.

thanks I think a professional would help you, we were born with the ability to eat intuitively and then we lose it, but its how every other species survives, it works for humans too and a dietitian will teach you

———

<3 Merbear
Feb 102014
 

Its late on my first full day here in Cancun and you might wonder why the heck am I blogging? Well, its not like I’m a daily or even weekly blogger anymore, I blog when I’m inspired by something to talk about. Tonight, I am inspired to talk about my progress with The Emily Program and how it has taken a huge chunk of anxiety out of my life. I know I’ve already talked about how much better my anxiety and my eating habits are, but holy cow I can really tell now that I’m on vacation.

When we are in our day to day life at home there are healthy decisions that need to be made all day….what to eat, what to wear, what’s on my schedule today, feed the cats, feed the husband (teehee), hit the showers, scheduled exercise, blah blah blah.

But, here in Cancun at an all-inclusive resort, everything is in slow-mo….hardly any decisions and I can take my time to make them, plus they aren’t that hard…..pina colada or a mojito? Heehee

In the past, I would have really noticed my tendency towards compulsive eating and my anxiety when on vacation. I would have been saying to myself all the time, “Well, I’m on vacation I might as well eat this and this and this and that and that and that……..” which would trigger guilt and anxiety afterwards OR I might have been on the other side, before I learned intuitive eating, and I could on vacation while on a “diet” Oy…that would have sucked, there are so many wonderful foods here…fresh tropical fruits, fun drinks, outstanding traditional style tacos, room service, gourmet restaurants in the hotel etc etc……being on a “diet” would have thrown my darn anxiety off the charts.

But after today, I feel fantastic.  I had more than your average number of adult beverages on the beach today, not that I was counting.  We ate every few hours when we were hungry, a nosh of tacos here, a bit of fruit there, some happy hour veggies and dip, some yummy salad and steak for dinner…..no worries, no woes, just yummy fuel on a magnificent day at the beach.

Small aside…I was finally able to go back to regular exercise after 3 months of physical therapy. I’m happy to say that after 1 month of Megan K’s Fit Body Boot Camp I’m down 3 inches off my body. No diet food, just 3-5 days a week of 30 minute boot camp sessions and intuitive eating with the instruction of my dietitian at the Emily Program (its not a food plan or a diet) 🙂 I know some people progress faster, but this is just perfect for me 🙂

<3

Merbear

Oct 092013
 

Two weeks ago I couldn’t fall asleep, I was distraught, uncomfortable and crying. I knew that the Emily Program and overcoming an eating disorder would be a long process.  A process that had to start with abolishing all food rules and learning to listen to my body. Then, I slowly learned to listen to my body and I learned the guidelines for fueling my body with what I need…and without judgement.

I spent about 2 months eating what my body craved and wanted, learning to be comfortable with not worrying about food.  That worry slowly subsided and my brain felt so much clearer, I felt so much better with everything day to day. My general anxiety lightened up….but my body didn’t…I went up about 2-3 sizes.  I had to go back to shopping at Lane Bryant, I had to put away all the cute clothes that I got in 2012 when I lost all that weight…

Now, I don’t hate myself for  that, I love myself for getting over an eating disorder and for doing what my brain needs. I could have continued on with diets…and lost weight, not gained weight…but I would have just yo-yo’ed again, its inevitable with my eating disorder history. But, even though I’m happy about the progress in my head, I was incredibly sad about what it did to my body….I was ready to just quit the Emily Program and go back to Weight Watchers…or something…..I wanted the blob attached to me to go away!!

My husband recommended that I tell exactly that to my dietitian, that I was done with putting on and maintaining weight, I needed to start working towards a weight loss goal immediately or I’d have to leave therapy.  At first I was so nervous, I didn’t want to lose my therapy or my dietitian, I had come so far.  I did it though, I kinda teared up as I told her what I needed, fearing she’d tell me that we weren’t done with learning to live without rules and learning about food exchanges and portion sizes..that it would be awhile longer. That I’d have to make the decision to leave when I wasn’t done….

But…she told me I was definitely ready to utilize my success in clearing my head of food rules and food anxiety and move forward with sculpting all the food exchange guidelines into portions/servings that had a weight loss goal.  YIPPEE!!!

Besides the fact that I have to keep a bit of a closer eye on my portions and I have specific servings a day of the different food exchange groups, this isn’t hard to do.  I have been learning and building my way up to this.  If I make a mistake…have too little or too much…its just a mistake, and because of dropping my emotional attachments to food..and my anxiety about food…I don’t obsess, I don’t blow the day or the week…I just move on.  Not that I’ve messed up really. Its only been 2 weeks and the food plan is just real food….all real food…any type of food..and lots of flexibility and exchanges….yes, I”ve been hungry a couple nights…but I realized that some of the food combinations I chose may not have been the best to satisfy me, so I adjusted…and it was okay.

The best part…I’m not craving some big snack attack, some big binge, a whole pizza or a mountain of ice cream….because I know…all those things are there…and will always be there…and I can have them whenever I want.  When I do have them, I don’t have to eat a ton, because again..I can always come back later, the next day or the next week and have it again.

Nothing is forbidden, nothing is wrong, nothing is bad…food is fuel and I use it to make my body healthy.

Some day in the future…like a special occasion…the goal of “weight loss” may not be my #1 priority..instead it might be to relax on vacation, enjoy new foods, have a drink…etc….well that’s okay…I have to go by what my priority is. But right now, my priority is the goal of weight loss..so I’m focusing on the Emily Program guidelines to obtain that.

If you are interested here they are:

6 – 8 servings of protein a day (1 oz of cooked meat is a typical protein, this also includes nuts and vegetarian proteins in other amounts)

2 servings of milk a day (a serving is 1 cup of milk, 1 oz of cheese etc)

5 servings of grain a day (a serving is 1/2 cup of cereal or rice, 3/4 cup of yogurt, a few ozs of crackers etc)

2 servings or more of veggies a day at a minimum, more is always welcome (1 cup of raw vegetables is a serving)

3 servings of fruit a day (handfruit, fruit in yogurt, applesauce, etc)

3 servings of fat a day (1 tsp of butter, 1 TBS heavy cream, 3 TBS hummus, etc)

1/2 Dessert a day (think of this as half of a premium dessert or a WHOLE lighter dessert like a Skinny Cow cone or 1 cup of light ice cream)

 

This is extremely manageable and gives me more than enough food, plus there are a lot of foods that fall in more than one category and so they can be exchanged around….like 1 oz of cheese can be a protein OR a milk..whee!

 

Alright this post has gotten long and I wanted to let you all know how I’m doing.  I’m open to answering any questions and also hearing what you guys think about what I’m doing and how I ‘m doing!

Soon, I will learn if I can actually look at the scale again, I haven’t since March!! MARCH!! It feels kinda good, but now I want to see how my weight loss goal efforts are panning out, too!

<3 

Merbear

Aug 282013
 

My friend Robby, Fat Girl vs. World asked on Facebook this morning:

“What makes people choose elimination diets (i.e., “no carbs” or “no solid food” or “nothing that rhymes with orange”) over moderation/food logging?”  – click the link if you want to see what everyone from all over the blog world is saying on her FB thread, we have lots of smart friends 🙂

– She noted that this does not apply to people with a food allergy or something like gluten intolerance or celiacs, because obviously those people must eliminate for medical reasons.

Here’s the answer I started typing, I realized it was very long, so I decided to post about it instead:

Elimination and food rules triggers my compulsive eating because I have anxiety and I’m a perfectionist (as diagnosed by my ED therapist and dietitian).

For most compulsive eaters its actually the SAME THING, they just haven’t been diagnosed for an ED or talked to anyone professional about emotions/foods.  If you remove the emotion from a food (which can be done with ED therapy NOT by WW or any elimination diet (paid for or free), you can eat in moderation…

You can have what you want…because you know it’ll always be there, so there’s no trigger to eat more and more. (this is NOT for people who have allergies/diseases etc that require them to eliminate things obviously, I mean people without sensitivities).

For 99.9% of people that are overweight, its all emotion..its all recovery from something

….for people that just got lazy or that had active young lives and now aren’t as active..those people can do WW or calorie counting or whatnot..but that’s not most of us, most of us eat to feel good, to hide something, to repair something.

Just like anxiety, depression, etc….overeating/compulsive eating…even if its not anorexia or bulimia…requires some learning about self-acceptance..it truly helps.

I’m in the middle of  therapy for compulsive eating and I can have all my old “trigger” foods right in front of me, because I have learned how to heal myself in other ways…a lot of me has healed already…I know that my favorite foods – Oreos, spaghetti, pizza, ice cream..well, they will be there tomorrow, too..and oh boy, leftovers of my favorite food (if I happen to get a large portion at a restaurant or make too much at home)…

I automatically moderate now because food doesn’t fix and I know food doesn’t go away..I hope what I’m typing here is helping someone.

I personally go to the Emily Program which I know has locations in Minnesota and Washington State. I also know that Park Nicollet (in MN) has Melrose.

But honestly, reach out to your regular doctor, tell them you want to be connected with someone who can help…compulsive eating is now an eating disorder and can be covered by your insurance.

 

Jul 182013
 

Not to say that I will never have a bout with emotional compulsive eating again, but I have truly moved past them as a regular occurrence in my life.

I started at the Emily Program back in March with an hour of therapy and a half hour of a dietitian every week.  In those months I have been focused on removing food rules, identifying emotional eating, working on what the true causes of my emotional eating are.  For me it is feelings of sadness, loneliness, worry and general anxiety.  There was also just a food anxiety in there that has built up over the years of Weight Watchers and other “food limit/food counting” type of diet plans.

Over the last month or so my food logs, which I have an example of here and my use of H.A.L.T which I talk about here have lead me to a point where pretty much none of my eating is scored as anything out of the average range and I’m eating when I am at the “H” in H.A.L.T, which is Hungry!

I did have one bout with emotional eating a couple weekends ago, but it was short, I identified it and talked myself through it and…it was over and done with after only about 8 Oreos (that’s pretty good!!)

I talked to my dietitian yesterday about being concerned about my weight (for health reasons, not looks) because as I worked on this journey of no food rules and identifying/regulating my emotions, I definitely have put on a few more pounds. I haven’t been weighing myself, but I know because I have to wear bigger sizes.

Since my emotional eating is in the normal range, my dietitian and I moved on to still logging what I’m eating, but also categorizing what I’m eating as follows: protein, grain, vegetable, fruit, fat, dairy or dessert.  Pretty much every serving of food falls into one or more of these categories.  There are guidelines and goals for how many servings in each category a person should be eating and yes servings have measurements. But for now, we are just categorizing, so I can learn about the food groups and how many of each I am getting each day and eventually we’ll move to learning balance and guidelines for each group.  This is all moving towards intuitive eating.

Speaking of, she recommended a book to me that I’ve been reading (and we’ve been following, but not to the letter). I want to recommend it to any of you who are struggling with “eating plans” and “diets”…and instead want to learn about eating what your body needs and wants…..like when you were a baby…you cried for food and stopped when you were done, and you weren’t overweight, right? RIGHT!

Intuitive Eating, 3rd Edition – Evelyn Tribole, Elyse Resch

I feel like I’m taking back control, my dietitian and therapist have been invaluable in helping me learn a new way of eating and a new way of thinking for myself and to get away from thoughts that are triggered by anxiety….thus moving me away from emotional eating which has been destroying my efforts to be healthy almost my whole life.

Thanks for reading

<3 Merbear

May 242013
 

I accept myself – fully and unconditionally, as I am, in this moment

 

The second part of my Emily Program journey started this week – therapy.  Every eating disorder has roots, some are obvious, but most are not.  My eating disorder ties right in to my anxiety (not surprising) and the roots of my anxiety are fear of abandonment and the need to seek approval and acceptance of myself from outside sources. On the outside, to people who don’t know me, and much to my chagrin, I may appear selfish and needy. As my husband says, “there you go again think for your selfer”. I admit that I act this way. I’ve developed this defensiveness over the years…anytime I even slightly perceive that I’m not being listened to or I think that someone has the wrong idea about me…I overreact.  Its because I perceive that person is not accepting me or approving of me any longer (so I have learned in therapy). It shakes my anxiety to the core. But, it makes me look and act like a child.

My need breaks my emotions, makes me crave comfort and to feel good.  Thus triggering emotional eating  that can turn into compulsive eating.

On Sunday a celebrated my birthday with my family. I had such a good time dancing with my niece, hugging my nephew, having excellent conversation with my parents, sister, brother-in-law, cousin and husband. But, something in me was sad…I’m not feeling so awesome about my body right now…after a week of prescribed rest and prednisone for a back injury..I felt like a big blob…sad that I didn’t want new clothes for my birthday because they’d all be in big sizes..which I’d have to accept as where I am, albeit temporary. I gave in to being sad and I grabbed 4 sugar cookies, sat down on the couch and flipped on the TV.  Although its fine to have a dessert and its fine to have cookies, the *reason* I took the cookies and the *reason* I chose four is disordered. I just wanted to have that yummy taste and feel that crunch.  Ryan had been tuned in to my feelings all day (like the good hubby he is) and he called down from upstairs and asked how I was doing…he heard the tremor in my voice and came down to talk it out.  I should have just talked to him first…because of course it helped to just share.  I felt so much better.

Just for a bit of clarification –  I’m not a binge eater anymore..that was when I was much younger, I’m a compulsive eater.  I didn’t feel out of control when I ate those cookies, I just ate them for the wrong reason. My feelings made me want to eat, instead of actually dealing with and going through them (I need an outside source, some don’t.)  Ryan helped make me feel better, not the cookies. 🙂

My Monday session with my new therapist felt awesome…she asked about my past and how I’m feeling now. We really dug in to find the source of my anxiety in general and how that relates to my compulsive eating. I felt good after that hour chat with her, after identifying what is really going on. Developing an understanding, even if its not a solution, feels good and has already helped me this week. I’m able to talk out and reason out why I feel a certain way and even talk through it with close friends and family. I still seek approval, agreement and acceptance..so it does feel better when I can explain it all to someone else and they “get it”, too. But, when its family and close friends, that’s okay 🙂

I’m okay, I’m me..and I love me 🙂

<3 Merbear

May 062013
 

My cravings to eat compulsively or binge have already started to wane away, because I have allowed myself to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. Imagine that, allow myself to have any food, whenever I feel hungry….and I eat LESS

Last week when I met with my dietitian at The Emily Program, she talked to me about how there is a physical and mental part of everything we eat. The physical part is the nutrition, the mental part is how our brain reports back to our emotions about being full..or I could even say “fulfilled.”

She said I’m pretty good at the physically full/comfortable part of things, but not the mentally full.  Which is why I tend to overeat, have cravings, and can’t stop thinking about food.

I now need to make sure I have 3 meals and 3 snacks a day and even my snacks need to give my brain the message that I am fulfilled.   We put together some snacks based on things that I love and her nutritional know how.

One of key things is that whether our body eats a light cracker/cookie or a regular cracker/cookie our physical need may be filled,we gave ourselves a “grain” and maybe a “sugar”  but our mental side sees the light ones and how they have less fat, less calories, more empty processed stuff and isn’t fulfilled.

Our body mentally and physically also needs a grain/fat/protein/fruit or veggie  in every meal or snack…so a fat free or light yogurt is seen/processed as a dairy…where as a regular one is dairy, fat and fruit! Ooh, that regular yogurt hit a couple of the must haves of a meal or snack!  (yes, we need dairy but it doesn’t have to be in every meal or snack).

A bit of a “showstopper” for me, to tell my brain that a meal is over is fat and/or sugar.  So, if I have two Dove chocolates at the end of lunch, that tells my brain lunch is over..and it removes and/or majorly limits my compulsion to overeat, keep grazing, or eventually binge on something for fulfillment.

Snacks we put together for me to use this week for morning snack and afternoon snack (since evening snack is ice cream always!!)

Homemade trail mix: Cheerios, cashews, coated almonds, m&m’s (I make an amount with a mixture per her recipe that will last me 7-10 days)

Actual snacks:

  • homemade trail mix with 1/2 banana (or a small banana)
  • snack bag of regular crackers(CheezIts are my choice) with 2 light laughing cow/1 regular laughing cow/1 baby bel
  • snack bag of Goldfish with regular string cheese
  • regular single serving yogurt & two cookies (Oreos are my choice)
  • Chobani bites (small, sweet yogurt) with 100 calorie pack of regular buttered popcorn
  • 3-4 graham crackers and a regular pudding cup

She also suggested that I have a bit of chocolate after lunch 🙂

So far, I’m feeling much happier with food 🙂

<3 Merbear