Dieting…..I knew it!

 lifestyle, weight, workouts  Comments Off on Dieting…..I knew it!
May 072016
 

This article really struck a chord with me and my life proves it.

Why You Can’t Lose Weight On a Diet

22 yrs old, a bit “curvy” joined WW – down to 135, crabby all the time but super hot bod, boyfriend stopped calling me “beluga butt”

25 yrs old, engaged, happy – 190

30 yrs old, single again, WW – 165

32 yrs old, dating, happy – 180-200

34 yrs old, married, Slimgenics, skinny, bitchy – 175 lowest weight reached, couldn’t handle it anymore

35 yrs old, 220 lbs, joined Emily Program for Compulsive Eating Disorder, fixed my relationship with food, stopped dieting, left program 37 yrs old, less anxiety, happy – 250 lbs

38 yrs old (now) – content, happy, married, really curvy, size 18-20, strong, fit, only issue: obesity – 250 lbs – I’m scared of my actual weight, but nothing else, love my body, eat mostly what I want 90% good nutrition, keep my body moving the best I can with 3-5 days a week of workouts, yoga, walks and/ or weights

Just thought I’d share, I hope there is more evidence, proof and what to do next,

 

<3 Merbear

 

Jul 062015
 

CrazyAwesome

Soo, I went to Fitbloggin’ two weeks ago, I missed last year (cue anxiety) and I thought I might have been forgotten, I thought I wouldn’t know what to say or how to act, I worried about the people who’s faces I recognized, but names I didn’t remember or even worse people who remembered me and I had NO idea who they were…ack ack ack.

Well, it was just the opposite…everyone knows it can be hard to remember everyone else, everyone knows that we double-check on names, everyone knows that its hard to come out of your shell on the first day and it takes a few hugs and hellos to really get back into the flow….aaaah.

But even BETTER, was a panel I participated in where we discussed the inner struggles that we have in common, that are hard to talk about with people who don’t understand, and we built our own little support system, called Mental Health Monday. Its a blog link up where we can be here to provide support, have our posts read, and keep the support going. I’m so excited about this!

Okay my little write up kind of goes all over the place, its a stream of thought type of post, sorry for the rambling 🙂

It is funny to me…Fitbloggin’ was both the best feeling on Earth because I was surrounded by my people, a tribe that understands me and that knows my struggles and I know theirs. Not just about mental health..but the challenges of living a healthy lifestyle, keeping up with what’s best for our bodies, fighting against fads, people who don’t support us and just general apathy when things aren’t going our way and we feel we aren’t moving forward. But on the other hand, it is so HARD to be around all these people you want to see, talk to, hug and cry with all weekend long..how do you decide who to talk to, which after-hours event to do, what activity is best, which panel to attend…and you get all wrapped up in it and you end up doing nothing and seeing no-one.  Or do you? Does it just feel like that, or did that really happen?

I feel like I saw everyone and did everything but like I also missed out on everything and saw no one…at the same time.

I feel so loved and welcomed but also like I’m not a part of it and not really that important…. at the same time.

I had a point when I was on top of the world, loving the fact that so many people “joined” my beer crawl and I was so excited to walk around Denver with everyone…but then there was just one. One person joined me, the rest fell away and probably joined a more popular group of people, I found some of them at my last bar crawl stop. Do I take it personally? Do I just blow it off cause people got lazy and didn’t want to go….if it was someone else running the beer crawl would they have been able to draw more people? I had a great time with my lovely friend that joined me, don’t get me wrong…but its just that feeling..in the back of my head….back to the bottom of the world feeling.

I often feel included but not part of the group at the same time…it happened a lot at Fitbloggin’ and when it finally really got to me….on our last night there….and another good friend asked me if I was okay…I actually reached out and told her what was on my mind and how I was feeling…there were tears, encouragement…a big hug…and I felt better…pretty much instantly…another lesson of how reaching out really does help. I love you my friend, you know who you are.

I love you my Fitbloggin’ tribe, you know who YOU are..and if you don’t…but you are reading this…you are part of it

<3 Merbear

Feb 102014
 

Its late on my first full day here in Cancun and you might wonder why the heck am I blogging? Well, its not like I’m a daily or even weekly blogger anymore, I blog when I’m inspired by something to talk about. Tonight, I am inspired to talk about my progress with The Emily Program and how it has taken a huge chunk of anxiety out of my life. I know I’ve already talked about how much better my anxiety and my eating habits are, but holy cow I can really tell now that I’m on vacation.

When we are in our day to day life at home there are healthy decisions that need to be made all day….what to eat, what to wear, what’s on my schedule today, feed the cats, feed the husband (teehee), hit the showers, scheduled exercise, blah blah blah.

But, here in Cancun at an all-inclusive resort, everything is in slow-mo….hardly any decisions and I can take my time to make them, plus they aren’t that hard…..pina colada or a mojito? Heehee

In the past, I would have really noticed my tendency towards compulsive eating and my anxiety when on vacation. I would have been saying to myself all the time, “Well, I’m on vacation I might as well eat this and this and this and that and that and that……..” which would trigger guilt and anxiety afterwards OR I might have been on the other side, before I learned intuitive eating, and I could on vacation while on a “diet” Oy…that would have sucked, there are so many wonderful foods here…fresh tropical fruits, fun drinks, outstanding traditional style tacos, room service, gourmet restaurants in the hotel etc etc……being on a “diet” would have thrown my darn anxiety off the charts.

But after today, I feel fantastic.  I had more than your average number of adult beverages on the beach today, not that I was counting.  We ate every few hours when we were hungry, a nosh of tacos here, a bit of fruit there, some happy hour veggies and dip, some yummy salad and steak for dinner…..no worries, no woes, just yummy fuel on a magnificent day at the beach.

Small aside…I was finally able to go back to regular exercise after 3 months of physical therapy. I’m happy to say that after 1 month of Megan K’s Fit Body Boot Camp I’m down 3 inches off my body. No diet food, just 3-5 days a week of 30 minute boot camp sessions and intuitive eating with the instruction of my dietitian at the Emily Program (its not a food plan or a diet) 🙂 I know some people progress faster, but this is just perfect for me 🙂

<3

Merbear

Aug 282013
 

My friend Robby, Fat Girl vs. World asked on Facebook this morning:

“What makes people choose elimination diets (i.e., “no carbs” or “no solid food” or “nothing that rhymes with orange”) over moderation/food logging?”  – click the link if you want to see what everyone from all over the blog world is saying on her FB thread, we have lots of smart friends 🙂

– She noted that this does not apply to people with a food allergy or something like gluten intolerance or celiacs, because obviously those people must eliminate for medical reasons.

Here’s the answer I started typing, I realized it was very long, so I decided to post about it instead:

Elimination and food rules triggers my compulsive eating because I have anxiety and I’m a perfectionist (as diagnosed by my ED therapist and dietitian).

For most compulsive eaters its actually the SAME THING, they just haven’t been diagnosed for an ED or talked to anyone professional about emotions/foods.  If you remove the emotion from a food (which can be done with ED therapy NOT by WW or any elimination diet (paid for or free), you can eat in moderation…

You can have what you want…because you know it’ll always be there, so there’s no trigger to eat more and more. (this is NOT for people who have allergies/diseases etc that require them to eliminate things obviously, I mean people without sensitivities).

For 99.9% of people that are overweight, its all emotion..its all recovery from something

….for people that just got lazy or that had active young lives and now aren’t as active..those people can do WW or calorie counting or whatnot..but that’s not most of us, most of us eat to feel good, to hide something, to repair something.

Just like anxiety, depression, etc….overeating/compulsive eating…even if its not anorexia or bulimia…requires some learning about self-acceptance..it truly helps.

I’m in the middle of  therapy for compulsive eating and I can have all my old “trigger” foods right in front of me, because I have learned how to heal myself in other ways…a lot of me has healed already…I know that my favorite foods – Oreos, spaghetti, pizza, ice cream..well, they will be there tomorrow, too..and oh boy, leftovers of my favorite food (if I happen to get a large portion at a restaurant or make too much at home)…

I automatically moderate now because food doesn’t fix and I know food doesn’t go away..I hope what I’m typing here is helping someone.

I personally go to the Emily Program which I know has locations in Minnesota and Washington State. I also know that Park Nicollet (in MN) has Melrose.

But honestly, reach out to your regular doctor, tell them you want to be connected with someone who can help…compulsive eating is now an eating disorder and can be covered by your insurance.

 

Jul 182013
 

Not to say that I will never have a bout with emotional compulsive eating again, but I have truly moved past them as a regular occurrence in my life.

I started at the Emily Program back in March with an hour of therapy and a half hour of a dietitian every week.  In those months I have been focused on removing food rules, identifying emotional eating, working on what the true causes of my emotional eating are.  For me it is feelings of sadness, loneliness, worry and general anxiety.  There was also just a food anxiety in there that has built up over the years of Weight Watchers and other “food limit/food counting” type of diet plans.

Over the last month or so my food logs, which I have an example of here and my use of H.A.L.T which I talk about here have lead me to a point where pretty much none of my eating is scored as anything out of the average range and I’m eating when I am at the “H” in H.A.L.T, which is Hungry!

I did have one bout with emotional eating a couple weekends ago, but it was short, I identified it and talked myself through it and…it was over and done with after only about 8 Oreos (that’s pretty good!!)

I talked to my dietitian yesterday about being concerned about my weight (for health reasons, not looks) because as I worked on this journey of no food rules and identifying/regulating my emotions, I definitely have put on a few more pounds. I haven’t been weighing myself, but I know because I have to wear bigger sizes.

Since my emotional eating is in the normal range, my dietitian and I moved on to still logging what I’m eating, but also categorizing what I’m eating as follows: protein, grain, vegetable, fruit, fat, dairy or dessert.  Pretty much every serving of food falls into one or more of these categories.  There are guidelines and goals for how many servings in each category a person should be eating and yes servings have measurements. But for now, we are just categorizing, so I can learn about the food groups and how many of each I am getting each day and eventually we’ll move to learning balance and guidelines for each group.  This is all moving towards intuitive eating.

Speaking of, she recommended a book to me that I’ve been reading (and we’ve been following, but not to the letter). I want to recommend it to any of you who are struggling with “eating plans” and “diets”…and instead want to learn about eating what your body needs and wants…..like when you were a baby…you cried for food and stopped when you were done, and you weren’t overweight, right? RIGHT!

Intuitive Eating, 3rd Edition – Evelyn Tribole, Elyse Resch

I feel like I’m taking back control, my dietitian and therapist have been invaluable in helping me learn a new way of eating and a new way of thinking for myself and to get away from thoughts that are triggered by anxiety….thus moving me away from emotional eating which has been destroying my efforts to be healthy almost my whole life.

Thanks for reading

<3 Merbear

Jun 202012
 

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You know how I know?

Yesterday was an extremely stressful day…among other things I’m dealing with a short sale of a house, planning my financial future, duathlon training, wedding planning and career building through an internship. Oh, I’m also having to run errands related to switching banks…kinda stressful til everything is switched.

Anyway after phone calls with Freddie Mac, emails and appointment setting with lawyers, emails negotiating with wedding vendors, and running across downtown during my lunch break…..I was ready to pull my hair out.

First thought in my head was to get “just a small” Dairy Queen treat….fortunately my warning buzzers went off…hmm this not a good choice. So, instead I got an iced tea and scrambled back to my desk at work.

Then, I knew exactly what I needed…to get outside, enjoy sunshine, spend time with a friend, and RUN. I immediately sent out an APB to my running buddies via email and Twitter. @kellybeeeee my friend who just ran the Grandma’s Marathon offered to run with me while she did her first shakeout run after the race! Woohoo! Lucky meeee!

Kelly warned me she didn’t know how her body would respond and I told her I’d do whatever, even if it ended up being walking. Well, the run around Lake Calhoun was awesome for both of us. She kept her tired legs going around the lake in intervals and I got to hear about the marathon, vent a little, gush about wedding planning, and work out the anxiety built up in me with some smiles, friendship and endorphins!

Yay for new lifestyle choices, yay for running, yay for friends!

<3 Merbear