I’ve been trying to lose weight, be healthy and stay that way since I was 19 years old and in college. To make a long story short I’ve been up and down…I’ve done calorie counting, points counting, LA Weight Loss, back to points, Slimgenics and back to points. Its not that these programs didn’t or don’t work, but I always struggle through them, have rough patches of sabotaging my efforts by having a “good” day and then a “bad” one.
I overeat when I’m alone, way out of the public eye and especially out of the eyesight of my family and friends. I was a binge eater when I was in elementary, junior high and high school. I didn’t know it then. In college I had more to do, more to think about and I walked all around campus, noticed I was dropping weight so I decided to not snack anymore and because I had never tried to lose weight before the first 15 came right off that year. After that, not so much and I’ve been going through cycles of being at goal (for no more than 4 months or so at a time) to being on one weight loss plan or another. I’ll be doing super well on the plan and then its like my brain rebels and I find ways to eat extra treats when no one is looking. I’m pretty good at bouncing back and saying “oh hey its a new day”…but it keeps happening, over and over.
Plans are great for people that need to learn about nutrition, healthy eating habits, exercise, healthy lifestyle choices…well, I know all these things…so why do I keep failing?
I finally went and asked The Emily Progam. I had been avoiding getting help because I kept telling myself:
“I’m not anorexic, I’m not bulimic…I don’t count as a person with a eating disorder, I’m just lazy and I don’t have enough willpower to follow a plan…its stupid for me to ask for help”
But, I started seeing my blogger friends online talk about how compulsive eating and binge eating have actually been named as eating disorders and how more people can get help now. The blogger that got my attention first and who I specifically went and read her a blog about her experiences is Fit and Free with Emily.
Then I saw more billboards and signs on the sides of buses about the Emily Program and decided the worst that could happen is they could say no, I don’t have an issue they can help with.
Which I was really afraid of and thought it would confirm that I’m dumb, lazy, don’t work hard enough or try hard enough or have enough willpower to lose weight.
Well, after a 1 hour intake meeting that involved talking to a counselor about all my eating history since I was a child, my life now, what I eat now, what I think or feel about this or that and then a 2 hour written test about feelings, thoughts, etc. Then, a 2nd meeting to go over the 1st meeting results and clarify a few things….I heard her say…
“We can help you”
I think you could hear the rush of air coming out of my mouth, my back relaxing into the comfy sofa and a big smile on my face…
“holy crap”, I thought to myself….”I’m not lazy, I’m not weak, I get help!”
I will be set up with a therapist and a dietitian who will help me make my relationship with food normal. Eating will be like brushing my teeth, getting dressed..dare I say like breathing.
She showed me how the history I shared with her and my testing results clearly show I have a Binge Eating, Compulsive Eating and Food Restriction Eating Disorder. Lo and behold, plans like Weight Watchers, Slimgenics, tracking calories, LA Weightloss, etc actually exacerbate my binge eating and compulsive eating, not eliminate or even help.
Thanks for reading, I hope this helps you understand how a person with a less public or less “well known” eating disorder might feel or perhaps this is you? There’s help out there.