Feb 102014

Its late on my first full day here in Cancun and you might wonder why the heck am I blogging? Well, its not like I’m a daily or even weekly blogger anymore, I blog when I’m inspired by something to talk about. Tonight, I am inspired to talk about my progress with The Emily Program and how it has taken a huge chunk of anxiety out of my life. I know I’ve already talked about how much better my anxiety and my eating habits are, but holy cow I can really tell now that I’m on vacation.

When we are in our day to day life at home there are healthy decisions that need to be made all day….what to eat, what to wear, what’s on my schedule today, feed the cats, feed the husband (teehee), hit the showers, scheduled exercise, blah blah blah.

But, here in Cancun at an all-inclusive resort, everything is in slow-mo….hardly any decisions and I can take my time to make them, plus they aren’t that hard…..pina colada or a mojito? Heehee

In the past, I would have really noticed my tendency towards compulsive eating and my anxiety when on vacation. I would have been saying to myself all the time, “Well, I’m on vacation I might as well eat this and this and this and that and that and that……..” which would trigger guilt and anxiety afterwards OR I might have been on the other side, before I learned intuitive eating, and I could on vacation while on a “diet” Oy…that would have sucked, there are so many wonderful foods here…fresh tropical fruits, fun drinks, outstanding traditional style tacos, room service, gourmet restaurants in the hotel etc etc……being on a “diet” would have thrown my darn anxiety off the charts.

But after today, I feel fantastic.  I had more than your average number of adult beverages on the beach today, not that I was counting.  We ate every few hours when we were hungry, a nosh of tacos here, a bit of fruit there, some happy hour veggies and dip, some yummy salad and steak for dinner…..no worries, no woes, just yummy fuel on a magnificent day at the beach.

Small aside…I was finally able to go back to regular exercise after 3 months of physical therapy. I’m happy to say that after 1 month of Megan K’s Fit Body Boot Camp I’m down 3 inches off my body. No diet food, just 3-5 days a week of 30 minute boot camp sessions and intuitive eating with the instruction of my dietitian at the Emily Program (its not a food plan or a diet) 🙂 I know some people progress faster, but this is just perfect for me 🙂



A few of my favorite snack combos!

 Basics, Blue Diamond, Fitbloggin, Food, foodie, guilty, Lenny and Larrys, lifestyle, recipes  Comments Off on A few of my favorite snack combos!
Oct 182013

I’ve learned from my dietitian and from personal trainers that the best snacks are ones that have a combo of macro nutrients, or at least one!!

What’s a macro nutrient?  Carb, Protein and Fat are!

One of my morning go-to snacks that is easy to pack  is 1 serving of crackers (either measured out, or usually a snack bag size) and 1 string cheese!! (Carb and Protein!)

Another is homemade trail mix: (this is 10 3/4 cup  servings)

  • 5 cups of Cheerios (or any other healthy, not sugar cereal you like)
  • 2/3 cups of Almonds (or a lower fat kind of nut) – I use Blue Diamond almonds, most recently I’ve been using their Dark Chocolate flavor!!!!
  • 1/2 cup of cashews (or a higher fat kind of nut)
  • 1 to 1 1/2 single serving size bags of M&Ms (or any other brand or generic version, I usually use the Unreal, Unjunked brand)

(The trail mix has Fat, Carb and Protein in it!)

I also like to have a single serving size yogurt (any kind…regular, low fat, greek  (BUT NOT FAT FREE) and a 100 calorie bag/3 cups  of regular microwave popcorn (Fat, Carb, and Protein!)

Sometimes though, I’m in a big hurry….I can only throw a few things in my purse before I head out the door, whether or not I know if I’ll have to be eating or have a challenging food choice later in the day, I always put almonds in my purse!!  You get fat AND protein…plus, umm, there are some really yummy ones out there.

Today at my desk I had these that I mentioned above:


Blue Diamond DARK CHOCOLATE almonds - 100 calorie pack

Blue Diamond DARK CHOCOLATE almonds! 100 calorie pack

Yeah, these are chocolate!! Not coated in candy chocolate, but a light dark chocolate powder. Omigosh soo good!

As many of my readers know, Blue Diamond almonds was kind enough to give out lots of samples at Fitbloggin ‘13 and they *did* send me a box of dark chocolate samples because I was so sad that they ran out at the conference! How sweet are they?  However, they did not request in any way that I talk about or review them. I just like them so much and feel that they are so kind, that I wanted to share how much I really do love almonds.

Have you guys had their toasted coconut ones? Wow, if you want a healthy tropical getaway in your mouth, go get a sleeve of them and enjoy guilt free!!

I also have been known to pick up a sleeve or two of their Mocha Cappuccino at the gas station when I want a pick me ‘up, they actually work, plus they fill my tummy 🙂

Other items that I substitute in for snacks are:

2 Babybel cheese rounds instead of the 1 string cheese.

3-4 Graham cracker squares and a single serving of regular chocolate pudding

Goldfish crackers and Cheez It snack bags as my cracker choices

Oooh and …. 2 Oreo Cookies and a single serving yogurt

Yes, yes…things that are sweet are okay and if you know that you can always have them and that nothing is bad….its easy to build up automatic moderation.

I actually haven’t had Oreos for a few months now, not because they are “bad” but I know I can have them anytime and I’ve developed more of a taste for cheese, crackers, yogurt and nuts!!

There is also another cookie that I love to have, its super filling, mouth-wateringly tasty and I also was introduced to it at Fitbloggin!!

Have you tried Lenny & Larry’s complete cookies?

There are lots of flavors, my absolute favorite is Pumpkin!!! But double chocolate is fantastic as well 🙂

They are not “diet” cookies but much healthier and filling than a store bought cookie!!  Scrumptious!!

Lovely Alyssa was representing Lenny & Larry’s at Fitbloggin’ 13 and sent me cookies to sample. She did not request or require any reviews or postings from me, I just love them that much!

dtl_coo_pumpkin3 lennylarry













I hope you guys get some ideas about yummy and easy snacking! Its important to eat every 2-3 hours to keep our blood sugar stable.  Going too long between meals and snacks drops your blood sugar and then you just want to maw down anything you can get your hands on…which is not good!  Keep ahead of blood sugar spikes and valleys by keeping your eating regular and healthy!!

<3 Merbear

Dec 172012

I just need to get it out!

Last week, after a month at weight watchers, not only did I not lose, I gained back everything plus some that I lost in the last month! Whaaaat?  I’m so mad!

And now…its Monday….I have tomorrow and another weigh in coming up on Wednesday, and I do not want to go. I’m 50 points over..no, not 50 points over daily points…50 points over even if you count in my weeklies and my activity points! (not like I got many of those, that’s a whole different story).

I was going to turn it all around today….I ate a healthy breakfast, I packed a good lunch, I was all ready to go…and then…I got a fever on my way to work, hacking cough….could barely think….I basically got sent home…fine..ok…sick

I took some work home with me to occupy my time….but my feelings got in the way, I felt sick, mopey, blah…and I kept picking at the kitchen. Doesn’t it suck when you are too sick to go to work, but not sick enough to be stuck in bed sleeping…so you just, “mope”? I know you guys know where I’m coming from.

Oh but also too sick to walk on the treadmill, or go outside in the crummy/snowy/freezing rainy weather, or exercise…yeah my throat is bad…so all I can do is sit here, pouting, watching TV, and fighting every single second to not go into the kitchen.

Then I get home and hubby hides in the basement, totally not his fault, he doesn’t want to get sick, and I agree…but, I also don’t have a diversion from being BORED and feeling bad for myself.

So I’m hoping this complaining, whiny, feeling guilty about eating anything in my face post…helps me just sit here and be a grown up and quit eating…

Sigh….I just want to at least stay the same weight on Friday..please WW, be nice to me…

I think I will go to my WW meeting, even though I’m freaked as to what it’ll say 🙁

<3 Merbear


P.S. I need to look at this more maybe….

August 2011

August 2012



March 2012


Nov 2012

Nov 2012

Oct 122012

Tonight I tweeted out that I felt another whiny blog post coming on and my awesome friends reached out to me.

So instead I want to talk about how important feeling and getting out your feelings can be.

If I hadn’t have shared how I was feeling, Dawn wouldn’t have asked me what was up. Reaching out and telling her & the Twitterverse that I felt like a failure for gaining the weight back that I lost last week and that I was fearing more failure this weekend, empowered me to be open to solving the problem.

Dawn, Liz and other friends tweeted and messaged me that tomorrow is a new day, to focus on what I’d important, get a new start, make new decisions. They are so right. I needed to hear that my guilt about gaining and wanting to sabotage another day are in my head and not that messed up or unsolvable.

Saturday, here in the twin cities, is the Zombie Pub Crawl. I was worried that crawling from bar to bar with my friends would just be way too tempting, after the disappointing week weight wise I’ve had, to not just give in and eat and drink whatever I choose. But, its not true, my supportive friends helped me see that there’s the fun of dressing like a zombie, spending the evening being silly with my friends, hearing bands, dancing, rides and karaoke to look forward to.

I’m in control, I know this now. I’m not saying I won’t have a beer or two, or some special zombie treat. I just don’t have a reason to be worried about it anymore. The night is mine!

Thank you friends, you know who you are, vocal or not this particular evening you are all in my head, cheering for my success.

Oh and P.S. For the first time ever I bought a regular sized, kinda naughty, Halloween costume! Yess!


Refocus…eye on the prize

 control, Food, goals, guilty, lifestyle, popchips, progress, Setbacks, slimgenics, weight  Comments Off on Refocus…eye on the prize
Sep 282012

First…popchips, win them til Oct 5.

So, I may have not done the “stopped posting cause I’m not seeing results” thing that does happen to many bloggers….but I did do that “leeeeet’s keep it to myself that I gained weight back” thing. I didn’t go onto MyFitnessPal, like I had been, religiously, after every weigh in at Slimgenics..and update my gains. I was kinda embarrassed…everyone was so proud of me for losing 50 lbs…and at first I kinda just yo-yo’d…you know…down 50 lbs, down 48 lbs, down 49 lbs, down 47 lbs…then…it kinda went more like down 45 lbs, down 43 lbs…and yup…I’m down 38 lbs..even though I was 2 lbs away from 50 before my birthday.

Guys…summer is hard. Its not an excuse…its just a share…cuz I know the rest of you sometimes feel this way, too.

I actually don’t feel like winter holidays are as challenging as fun, spontaneous, bbq, boat ride, camping, fair, and concert filled summers. There are SO MANY freaking guides and tools for winter…the best foods to eat for holidays…how to avoid halloween candy, what’s the best way to fill your plate on thanksgiving. Plus, seriously, those holidays, at least to me are A DAY. I can hunker down and get tough on myself for A DAY..and do the positive self talk and food prep and planning.

BUT A WHOLE SUMMER…oh goodness, its been hard. Thank the bejeezus I only gained 10 lbs. Fortunately I didn’t have to go back to fat pants or something like that..but I noticed a little more annoying “flub” hanging over the waist line…my little tshirts that were finally super cute were looking a bit too floppy..you know the drill.

It also didn’t help that Ryan (my fiance), had hit maintenance…and while its still hard…he got to switch to just watching his balance of food groups and counting calories..he had no more “no-no” foods that Slimgenics blocks while you are in weight loss mode. I wasn’t eating out of spite that I was still on plan or something…I just was a little to “lax” with the rules…and it bit me in the butt! Until I reach a good lean body mass…my body isn’t as good at maintaining fat loss..and we all know fat attracts fat!

So NOW…I am going to buckle down….I’m going to get to goal by Thanksgiving…EYES ON THE PRIZE…I have to fight through Oktoberfest this weekend, Renaissance Festival, too. Some birthdays, some family events…even BEER SCHOOL…but I will DO THIS. Who’s with me?

I’m totally on board for #DontEatTheTreat on Twitter with @Tidbits_of_Tara and @redstar5 coming up next month through the holidays, too! Follow them on Twitter and/or their blogs to get in on the mindset!

What do you guys think? Is summer harder? Is winter harder?

<3 Merbear

May 052012

I told you guys about the jelly beans a couple weeks ago.  I made that decision..it was a few jelly beans…and it didn’t affect my weigh ins the following week…but even if it had..I was cool with it…I made a purposeful decision to have a few jelly beans.  My boyfriend made a decision to have some lemon heads…and we moved on….it was cool..and its in the past.

So, last night I was out to dinner with my girlfriends…at a mexican restaurant…we picked it as our version of a little Cinco De Mayo get together.  We went to A La Salsa at Midtown Global Market…great place, lots of choices…lots of authentic mexican food..you can have chicken, fish, steak, grilled veggies, cactus leaf stuff, tamales, rellenos, enhiladas…they have the stuff americans want..the mexican classics…and some fabulous traditional mexican dishes.

I made my decision….a mole covered 1/4 chicken (white meat) dish. It came with corn tortillas…I was going to have one (that is on my plan)…not eat any rice and have grilled veggies and no beans.

Well….then there was corn chips in front of me.  I went over the menu…looked at the corn chips…my friends can vouch for me, I didn’t dive into the tortilla chips as soon as we sat down…I stated “let me look over the menu and see if I can have some chips”.  I shouldn’t have even done that….fried, fatty corn tortilla chips DO NOT equal a fresh corn tortilla Meredith…WHY are you even thinking of switching them out….

..but I did…I haven’t had a CHIP since January..I decided I could have a few…instead of the corn tortilla…so I did…and I didn’t feel guilty..and I moved on.

Well…now its the next morning…I dunno if I’m guilty, or if I’m sorry that maybe the scale has “caught me in the act”.  I don’t feel like having a few chips..and honestly it wasn’t very many, my friends could tell you that…not even half of the little basket…I counted, I had maybe 10-15…honestly.

I think I’m just PISSED that the scale isn’t down like it normally is on Saturday mornings…UGH, I depend on my Saturday mornings as a nice loss as a push through the week….I lose  little during the week, too..but its Saturday mornings that are my big loss, the one I officially record, etc.

I’m the same as I was last night…and MORE than I was last Saturday…like by almost two pounds. I also have TOM coming up so that’s fighting me as well.  So I’m sitting here saying “why did I do that? why did I have chips?” but its not because I don’t think it was okay to have chips, but because its making me mad at my weight and the scale. YES, I’m still down just shy of 40 lbs…..but UGH…stupid scale.

I’m going to have some cleansing tea, a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, drinking hot lemon water now..maybe it’ll take the “edge” off some of this bloating….going to weigh in at Slimgenics in about 3 hours…wish me luck…..

<3 Merbear

Nov 222011

….I start thinking about maybe doing my weekly weigh in on Thursday morning or maybe Sunday instead of Friday morning.

If I think I’m ready for Thanksgiving, if I have a plan in place….I know what I want to eat, what my strategies are for new foods, how I will organize my plate and focus on socializing with family….then why do I not want to weigh myself on Friday morning?

Why should weighing myself on Friday morning be an issue? I’ve been good all week. I’ve counted my calories, done my workouts, drank my water..I’m even pumped up on MyFitnessPal posts in the time line with my friends that follow each other.

Do I want to give myself an out? Just in case I want…hmm…what would I want that would send me off the hook into a eating too much frenzy?  Turkey? no. Stuffing? not really. Peas? Heh, haha, umm no. Gravy? I only ever take a little, not really a huge gravy person. Mashed potatoes? Well…maybe..I really love them…but they are just potatoes……hmmm PIE! Maybe I’m afraid of not controlling myself around pie?  There won’t be much…my family doesn’t go overboard. A slice or two? That won’t make my weight go up. Especially after making smart choices all week and through out the day.

I guess I don’t want to even put it out there that my week could be messed up, admit that I might make a mistake, that I might eat too much for Thanksgiving….I won’t have to even risk it if I don’t weigh myself  the day after Thanksgiving, or plan not to weigh myself…then it won’t matter what happens I can tell myself I’ve been good without even trying.


I know what I should do….

Not sure what I will do…hrmmm..

This post was supposed to convince me to do the right thing…which I probably will do I just can’t promise it to myself just yet.

<3 Merbear


Oct 102011

After a weekend with some personal drama that could have affected my healthiness journey, I am proud to say that I worked through my feelings, talked with friends,  and stayed on track health wise! My mind is clearer and I don’t have guilt from eating my feelings, because I didn’t!

I reached out to one of my best friends when I was feeling bummed and she invited me to hang out with her for the day and I delved in to helping her fix up some things in her new apartment and we ran errands. We also talked about what was on my mind, so it worked out very well!

I am happy to report I stuck to my guns with my alcohol plan…I had two beers, on Friday, and that was my treat. I didn’t eat dessert at the restaurant on Friday night, I didn’t have any other alchohol this weekend.

 I got a nice compliment from my family on my mom’s birthay dinner on Sunday, that I’m looking nice..yay!  Oh yes, my mom’s birthday, we had a dessert, I ate about 3 bites of the strawberry topping and a bite of my boyfriend’s cookie, that’s it! YAY!

I also ran intervals on Saturday morning, I only had 20 minutes to workout so I did two minutes running as fast as I could and 1 minute walking. I went almost 2 miles…and it was my best speed ever!! Yes, it was only 2o minutes, but I plan to extend that to 30 and then 40…as I do that I know my 5K speesd will improve because my anaerobic ability is improving, which my trainer really wants me to work on!

Oh, I might have sneaked a look at the scale this morning, too…for some reinforcement on saying no to dessert and beer last night and making good decisions all weekend, its working, I should see a new low for the year come Friday…woohoo!

This weekend I also got lots of positive reinforcement and group therapy you could say by attending a Prior Fat Girl Meetup #PFGMeetUp on Twitter. The main author of PriorFatGirl.com is Jen and she is local here in Minnesota. This was not one of her big events where she had speakers or a schedule.  We just casually gathered and Jen had a few conversation starters, but we basically went around the room sharing anecdotes and experience. I felt strong and supported at the end of that meeting, too! There will be more…so check out her blog or follow #pfgmeetup or @priorfatgirl on Twitter!

Here’s the nice sized group of all different shapes and sizes that gathered to share some pretty close to the heart advice and stories:






<3 Merbear

Oct 052011

Before I talk about the hunger monster, I want to quickly point out that an awesome blogger, Hungry Runner Girl – Janae is giving away some awesome, made for women’s feet ONLY, cute and super neato shoes in a contest through October 12th! Visit her blog and enter!

Okay, did you enter?  Alright lets talk about hunger monster…is it really, or is it, like most monsters, something in my head. Help me decide, what do you guys think based on my story from last night.

Yesterday I was right on track with calories, even planned in my dinner and was well on my way to a perfect exercise/calorie intake day.   I had oatmeal for breakfast, a banana snack, leftover chicken and green beans for lunch, greek yogurt and fruit for snack with a few measured out pretzels, got home and had ground turkey taco salad….then it hit, a headache, and it sucked. One thing about yesterday is I was non-stop thirsty…I normally drink about 3 Priorfatgirl Bottles of water during my work day. Yesterday I sucked up 6 bottles worth. So usually I drink about 75 ozs a work day, and yesterday I doubled it! I felt like there wasn’t enough water in the world to make me not thirsty.

I have some time before my workout so I take some Advil, set an alarm for a nap and snooze for a bit. Still a no go, still have a headache, I head to the gym to do my personal training appointment, hoping that the headache will wear off and the Advil will start kicking in.  It didn’t, but I fought through it during my session. But, I couldn’t even fathom pounding it out on a treadmill or swinging back and forth on an elliptical with my headache…so I went home with no cardio.

I get home, clean up a bit and put on my jammies. I then decided to go get snuggly in bed early. I flip on the TV and…I’m hungry..okay well I did lift weights that makes sense…I go back downstairs and grab a skinny cow cup of ice cream…head back upstairs to snuggle back in bed…I finish it in like .02 seconds. My headache starts to go away, I start to settle in, my tummy rumbles…still hungry…I go to get a bowl of cereal..I measured out my milk and Cheerios, I bring it back upstairs to finish my show while snuggly in bed. I finish it, wait 15 minutes, still hungry…AARGH..try to ignore it…drink more water…boo, still hungry. I go back downstairs…stare at stuff in the kitchen, what will make me not hungry, what will satisfy this hungry monster…I also start feeling guilty for my snacks, so I grab a Two Degrees chocolate peanutbutter bar, its got lots of things to make me feel full in it…and I hide it in my pocket as I walk past my boyfriend to go back upstairs, claiming I just came down to wash out my cereal bowl.


I was hungry, but I was also feeling guilty and I also loved the feeling of snuggling into bed by myself, hiding the wrapper under stuff on my nightstand and eating the bar and nobody knew it. Umm, yeah, this feeling is familiar, I haven’t had it for years…it reminds me of  junior high and high school when I’d wait for nobody to be in the kitchen and I’d bring food to my room late at night.  Not like my parents would have gotten mad at me for eating if I was hungry and tonight I really was hungry, back in high school I was bored and using food as someting to do and control….but now? I don’t need that now…or did I?  Was my headache/not being able to finish my workout/just wanting to be comfy….making my stomach fake out my brain and make me go get more food? Could a truly rumbling tummy have been a hungry monster?

Sigh, I did add all the food into My Fitness Pal, I ended up about 300 calories higher than I should have been for my goal for the day, not big, but I can’t do that regularly, I gotta dig deep and make sure I really was hungry or what went on there.

Just wanted to share, thanks for reading.

<3 Merbear

Umm hi, my name is Meredith and I like burgers, fries and malts

 Food, guilty, Setbacks  Comments Off on Umm hi, my name is Meredith and I like burgers, fries and malts
Sep 082011

Durr, I did so well! Even at the state fair I did so well…then last night, it was in the moment, I was having a blah day after feeling icky and sick for two days. I didn’t want to go home and prep dinner, wait for dinner to cook, then clean up dinner….I just wanted to have some comfort food, with my boyfriend.  It was his idea, but usually I can make a better food choice or ask for other options, not last night, The Convention Grill, in Edina on Sunnyside and France Avenue, a family favorite when I was a kid, sounded PERFECT.

Obviously this wasn’t a planned treat, what was planned was red potatoes and baked chicken for dinner, raw chicken in the refrigerator, potatoes out on the counter ready to be cut up (still there this morning!)

Convention Grill has been serving up burgers, malts, baskets of fries, phosphates and sundaes since 1934, they even make their own hot fudge to this day.  Yeaaah, I got a hot fudge malt, and a cheeseburger, and I ate a ton of fries.  It was soooooooooo gooood.

Do I hate myself? NO. Do I feel a tiny bit guilty for ruining a practically perfect eating day, especially only 3 days after the fair AND I didn’t work out on Tuesday.  YES.

What did I do about it?  I logged it in MyFitnessPal..which promptly told me if I continue to eat this many calories a day for the next 5 weeks I’ll be like a million pounds more. (okay that’s slightly exaggerated, heh, but the number wasn’t pretty).

In the past, I’d think in my head that since I messed up I might as well enjoy it and mess up more and start over in the morning.  In the past I would have gone home and made one of my special adult rootbeer floats. I’ll tell you later, cause you WANT one, on a good day, when you have the calories/points to spend, ok? 🙂 I would have eaten a bunch of pirate’s booty, some regular popcorn, maybe even a few of my TLC cookies…

Guess what I did? I thought to myself “well that food tasted pretty good, won’t be back here for awhile though” and I went home, grabbed a bottle of fizzy water and moved on..yup…moved on.

My mom or dad may read this post and my mom will be a bit bummed that I went to the Convention Grill, my dad will be jealous and say, “Mer, I want some Barfy’s!” (that’s our name for it, cuz its so yummy greasy).  My personal trainer will probably see this on Facebook and wonder why I mentioned how well I did at the fair, but didn’t mention my little foray into the greasy spoon.

I wish I did feel badly about going, like REALLY badly, like I wish it gave me a stomach ache or something, cuz in my head, it hasn’t really hit me that I made an awful choice. I want it to kick in..MEREDITH DON’T DO THAT! But, it just doesn’t.  Its not like I do this all the time..I’ve continued to drop sizes, lose body fat, etc if I continuously made bad decisions obviously that wouldn’t happen.

Today I got up and went to do my workout, which felt awesome, I had my bagel thin and peanutbutter before my workout..umm I ate a few leftover fries after my workout…and  well I packed some in my lunch, I ate a few, and it kicked in, THIS IS CRAZY, so I threw the rest away,  they are all gone…at home and here at work.  I ate some of my non-creamy southwest tortilla soup, drank a bunch of water and voila..I’m back on track.  I hope? Just gotta keep on truckin, trying, and doing my best.