I tried CorePower Yoga for the first time today. I’ve done yoga before, I’ve even done heated yoga before. I’ve never tried yoga, in front of other people, in a new format, at my current weight.
I am trying different workouts on top of my 2x/week active weight lifting (like bootcamp but with a personal trainer), because I need more movement, more stretching, more engaging activities to burn calories.
I’m okay with hard and I am so thankful for all of the kind words and thoughts flowing from the yoga instructor to the class about doing what feels best, finding the right modifications of poses that work for us, etc…..but I felt only frustrated, upset and embarrassed for myself 90% of the workout. I used to be able to do all these poses, with only a little bit of effort, not because I was well practiced, but because I didn’t have a bunch of fat in the way in my stomach/legs/you name it.
I definitely appreciated the poses I could do and the stretches that felt so good and that I made it through 60 minutes with only truly having to stop once (major foot arch pain). I actually, truly thought about stopping and walking out so I could go to my car and cry I felt like such a failure. Right before I got to the actual point of stopping and leaving though – the instructor would say something to the class that was super encouraging and had us breathe, focus on our breath and why we were there. After class she even found me outside of the studio and told me how well I did in my first class and she answered a lot of my questions which calmed my nerves a bit about participating in other classes and moving forward.
It is still hard for me to forget how I felt though, during most of the class, almost wanting to cry, not because it was too hard, but because I felt like I wasn’t good enough – I kept telling myself my intention for the day though that “I am good enough.”
I’m not really sure where this post is going, I am going back to CorePower Yoga, most likely tomorrow – either another all levels class or I might challenge myself more with some sculpt and do what I can and take a break when I’m overwhelmed.
This is something new, I have a learning curve – it was hard to lift weights when I first started doing that and now I love it. I know I can do this, seriously…just gotta get back in there, right?
I’m so tired of the body that I’m in, I need it to move/be healthy, I need to love it and I can’t love it the way it is now..its not me…I’m working at getting back to me…its not easy, but it’ll be worth it.
Thanks for “listening”