Jul 062015
 

CrazyAwesome

Soo, I went to Fitbloggin’ two weeks ago, I missed last year (cue anxiety) and I thought I might have been forgotten, I thought I wouldn’t know what to say or how to act, I worried about the people who’s faces I recognized, but names I didn’t remember or even worse people who remembered me and I had NO idea who they were…ack ack ack.

Well, it was just the opposite…everyone knows it can be hard to remember everyone else, everyone knows that we double-check on names, everyone knows that its hard to come out of your shell on the first day and it takes a few hugs and hellos to really get back into the flow….aaaah.

But even BETTER, was a panel I participated in where we discussed the inner struggles that we have in common, that are hard to talk about with people who don’t understand, and we built our own little support system, called Mental Health Monday. Its a blog link up where we can be here to provide support, have our posts read, and keep the support going. I’m so excited about this!

Okay my little write up kind of goes all over the place, its a stream of thought type of post, sorry for the rambling πŸ™‚

It is funny to me…Fitbloggin’ was both the best feeling on Earth because I was surrounded by my people, a tribe that understands me and that knows my struggles and I know theirs. Not just about mental health..but the challenges of living a healthy lifestyle, keeping up with what’s best for our bodies, fighting against fads, people who don’t support us and just general apathy when things aren’t going our way and we feel we aren’t moving forward. But on the other hand, it is so HARD to be around all these people you want to see, talk to, hug and cry with all weekend long..how do you decide who to talk to, which after-hours event to do, what activity is best, which panel to attend…and you get all wrapped up in it and you end up doing nothing and seeing no-one. Β Or do you? Does it just feel like that, or did that really happen?

I feel like I saw everyone and did everything but like I also missed out on everything and saw no one…at the same time.

I feel so loved and welcomed but also like I’m not a part of it and not really that important…. at the same time.

I had a point when I was on top of the world, loving the fact that so many people “joined” my beer crawl and I was so excited to walk around Denver with everyone…but then there was just one. One person joined me, the rest fell away and probably joined a more popular group of people, I found some of them at my last bar crawl stop. Do I take it personally? Do I just blow it off cause people got lazy and didn’t want to go….if it was someone else running the beer crawl would they have been able to draw more people? I had a great time with my lovely friend that joined me, don’t get me wrong…but its just that feeling..in the back of my head….back to the bottom of the world feeling.

I often feel included but not part of the group at the same time…it happened a lot at Fitbloggin’ and when it finally really got to me….on our last night there….and another good friend asked me if I was okay…I actually reached out and told her what was on my mind and how I was feeling…there were tears, encouragement…a big hug…and I felt better…pretty much instantly…another lesson of how reaching out really does help. I love you my friend, you know who you are.

I love you my Fitbloggin’ tribe, you know who YOU are..and if you don’t…but you are reading this…you are part of it

<3 Merbear

  9 Responses to “Mental Health Monday – Crazy Awesome”

  1. I am SO glad you blogged and shared this! Hugs to you, Mer!!

    I have terrible anxiety about being forgotten about. The bottom of the world feeling is a great way to describe it too! I always tie it back to being adopted, even though I was adopted at birth by a wonderful family. They have never forgotten me either! I am not sure what brings it on, but then I have all the feelings.

    • Hey sweetie!

      Sorry for the delayed response, like I said to others, I wasn’t being notified of the comments! Thank you for sharing your feelings and experience. So many feelings!

  2. I so understand. I spent Fitbloggin simultaneously thrilled to be doing so much and feeling like I was missing out on seeing and talking with others. I also struggle with not wanting to interrupt or thinking people may be less excited to see me as I am to see them. It is such a game we play with ourselves isn’t it? Regardless friend, I am glad that we got to go together this year. Thanks for being my awesome roomie!

    • Sorry for the delayed reply! I am super grateful that we spent the weekend as roomies! Also, looking back, I have hardly seen you since then and I’m even more thankful for that time together. It is such a game to figure it out and we probably shouldn’t be so worried about it so much, but its hard.

  3. This is why Saturday late night Fluxx games must be made a yearly tradition. πŸ™‚

    • Ashley –

      YES! I’m sorry about the delay in my response, I wasn’t getting comment notifications! Thank you for spending a great evening with us πŸ™‚

  4. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you did everything and somehow missed out on everything at the same time. I think everyone feels that way to an extent because there is SO much to do. I’m so glad you were there. Playing Fluxx up in your room was one of my highlights! (Seriously, I have a highlights blog post drafted and that is in it! :-P)

    I’m so glad you are sharing here and I hope you continue. You are awesome! <3

  5. I remember feeling the way that you describe at the first three Fitbloggin conferences: not knowing where I fit in and feeling like I wasn’t one of the cool kids. (Cue bad high school flashbacks!) Finally, at my fourth conference – the final one held in Baltimore – I realized that I didn’t actually want to run all over the place and be a social butterfly anyway, and that a quiet night in with a good book and my awesome roommate for company sounded amazing. Since then, my husband has accompanied me each year and I seldom attend any of the evening socializing, choosing instead to nurture myself with a little extra sleep, lots of exploring the city by foot before and after a great dinner somewhere quiet and delicious, and preparing myself for the day to come. I also focus on just a few of the lovely people at the conference at a time, looking to make a small number of really meaningful connections instead of lots of more superficial ones, but that’s just what works for me and makes me feel satisfied with my experience.

    • I apologize for my delay of responding, for some reason I’m not getting notified when I get comments! Thank you for reading and sharing your experiences with the conference, I like how you’ve found your way Denise πŸ™‚

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.