Mar 172014
 
not-alone
I had this conversation with a good friend via instant message over the weekend. I was inspired to blog about it, I was so moved by her reaching out to me and trusting my answers. I want everyone with disordered eating to get help, I want everyone to be in a good place like I finally am.  I want my friends to be happy.

I want to show you all this REAL conversation between REAL people instead of just typing out what you should do if you feel that you might need help….this is real people…and there is help, please remember I am NOT licensed nor an expert, but I have lots of real life experience!

My friend is in pink, I’m in blue 🙂

Do you ever feel the urge to track again even though you know it’s bad for you?

you mean with WW or calories? YES
I DO write down what I’m eating and make sure that I’m eating all the food groups, sometimes I even write down the measurements, but no calories or points

Gotcha. I’m struggling with not tracking my calories, fat, etc right now. I feel scared about weight gain and I want to track again because that feels “safe” even though it makes me insane.

Exactly, my perfectionism triggers my anxiety which triggers my eating disorder..sooo…especially with food, I have learned (and its tough) to not do it
BUT, from my dietitian I have learned ways to listen to my hunger and fullness signals
and understand what my body really does need -> grains, protein, fruit, veggies, fat, dairy and even desserts
When I first started I was tracking what I was eating AND the feelings associated with every meal and snack….even if it was just “normal” or “nothing” I wrote down every feeling
 
Have you thought about working with a dietitian? Often that can be about the same as paying for WW or another weight loss program, but its soo much better! They can be covered by health insurance so you are only paying copays (like me)
if you are diagnosed with an eating disorder (if tracking is a bingeing or compulsive eating trigger, you have an eating disorder)

I have never been diagnosed but believe I should be. I do think I need to work with someone but am trying to figure out how to afford it…

yeah its tough to figure that out My insurance covers me except $25 copay, which I pay weekly, but its worth it, its one of the things I’m doing even though I’m unemployed still

I think I need a real diagnosis before insurance will cover it. How did you go about that process?

Also, thank you so much for talking to me about this and feel free not to answer if I’m asking things I shouldn’t be.

its worth talking about, that’s why I blog about it
So here in MN we have two choices mainly, Melrose and The Emily Program
I already knew about them….they advertise all over
I called in directly and made an intake appointment
they had me talk to an intake therapist, take a few written quizzes and then checked with my insurance for me
if I didn’t know about them, I would have asked my regular doctor for a referral

I’ll see what happens with that and look around for something near me.

my insurance doesn’t require referrals to special programs,might want to check with yours if a referral from your primary is needed?

I’ll do that today. I definitely need more than just myself.

make sure you work with a licensed dietitian (not a nutritionist) and a therapist (if necessary)

Thank you so much.

you are welcome, thank you for trusting me to ask

Of course! I know you’re going through a lot of things that seem similar to me, and that you think about the world a lot like I do too.

The only thing that kinda sucks, and I blogged about it, is that I had to break out of my compulsive eating/perfectionist cycle by breaking all food rules and learning to live without food rules, so at the same time I was in Physical Therapy and couldn’t run or intensely work out,…that mixed with no food rules…I put on 70 lbs , I’m not saying the same will happen to YOU….cuz you are active…but now that I have no eating disorder symptoms and I can workout regularly, its coming back off…but SLOWLY because I don’t diet, I eat intuitively
Hmm, I might blog about this…..do you mind if I don’t use names?

I have been working on not tracking and I have definitely gained some. I seem to be in a holding pattern with gaining now but I’m TERRIFIED to gain more.

And yes, you can blog any of it.

thanks I think a professional would help you, we were born with the ability to eat intuitively and then we lose it, but its how every other species survives, it works for humans too and a dietitian will teach you

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<3 Merbear

  One Response to “What friends are for….trusting, sharing, helping and loving”

  1. Your openness about everything you’ve worked through has been helpful to a lot of people. Thanks for all that you share.

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